Phil's Choice/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Noah's TV Show Season 1 episode, Phil's Choice.

The Noah's TV Show Project
(The episode begins with the Noah's TV Show logo on a black background, which is seen on-screen for 4 seconds before fade-transitioning to the front door of the Harris residence. Slow, upbeat jazz music plays as a paperboy throws a newspaper at Phil's front door. As Phil opens the door and picks up the newspaper, he notices the camera and is surprised)


 * Phil: Oh! Didn't see you there. Now, after seeing that logo at the beginning of this epiosode, you're probably now asking, "What the hell is Noah's TV Show?" Well, allow me to explain. Noah's TV Show premiered right now after the series creator, Noah Long, pitched a short film to ABC, the network this show is on, and became a full series, which you are currently viewing. Now, Noah is not like most other adult celebrities, first, he's seemingly childish, as he watches Toonami weekday afternoons in his spare time and is up on what kids are into these days, and second, the stick-figurine animation you're viewing here is real cheap, because, like South Park, it only takes five days to animate! Yeah, five days, just to animate an episode of Noah's TV Show. Now, Noah's TV Show wasn't always like what you're viewing right now. You know about that short film he pitched to the network I was talking about? Well, here is a snippet of it, (a clip from Phil is shown) you can check out the full version on Noah's VidSpace account. The short was made 3 years ago, and that handsome stick figurine in the short? Well... (scene cuts back to Phil's front door) That's me. Now, when ABC gave Noah the news that his show was becoming a show, Noah knew he couldn't do it alone. So, with the help of his pal, Erick Bennet, who voices many of the show's characters, and the rest of his pals, the Noah Gang, Icewich Productions was formed, and the Noah's TV Show project began. But enough jibber-jabber about Long and his pals, let's move on, to the setting and characters.

(The camera cuts to a shot of Calidi, Arizona, the city's main setting. A panorama is seen as disco-esque music plays in the background)


 * Phil: This place over here, is my hometown, Calidi, Arizona. Now, obviously, Calidi's fictional, like Springfield from The Simpsons. Though unlike Springfield, Calidi's state is known, and I just said it a tad bit ago. I work at a local car dealership, Jackson Motors, owned by my boss and the namesake for the dealership, Avery G. Jackson. Now, his dealership's actually pretty popular. He sells all kinds of cars from various brands, even the ones you haven't heard of! His dealer's basically the only one left in America that sells cars no one in this country has ever heard of, both used and new. Well, except for Peugeot, Peugeot was in America until ‘91. Now, I may have started out explaining the show, but I haven't even introduced myself! I'm Phil Harris. I'm just like Noah in every way. A familyman, a childish, but cool man that knows what kids are into these days, though the only exception is that I don't watch a lot of Toonami. Now that we've gotten my name out of the way, it's time to meet my family.

(Scene cuts to the living room of Phil's house, where Martina is seen reading a book called, "Life of Apple Pie", Phil walks up to her)


 * Phil: Now, this here's my wife, Martina. She's a Mexican-American emigrant, and she's surprisingly attractive. (whispering to camera) I got sexually aroused for forty days straight after I first saw her. Thank god we're married.
 * Martina: Oh, is the camera on? Why don't you tell them about how we met at that concert?
 * Phil: Alright, but I'll have to simplify it a little. (to camera) Me and Martina met back in July 1990, it was during a Milli Vanilli concert, y'know, the lip-syncers behind, (starts singing and dancing) girl, you know it's true. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you. (finishes singing and dancing) That was the song that played when we met at that concert, and in fact, (pulls out and shows vinyl cover of "Girl You Know It's True" by Milli Vanilli) I actually own the original US vinyl release. (puts vinyl cover away) But we're not here to talk about a couple of black Europeans being tricked by their greedy German record producer into lip-syncing, let's move on to the rest of my family.

(Scene cuts to Bob's bedroom, where he is seen playing Super Mario Sunshine on his Lintendo GameBox on his TV)


 * Phil: This here's my son, Bob. He's a little awkward, but he's surprisingly popular with the other kids at school. Here he is right now.

(Bob notices the camera as he pauses his game)


 * Bob: Oh, uh, hey. My name is Bob Harris, the, uh, son of my father, Phil. I know I can be awkward, but, I'm surprisingly cool at school amongst the other kids. I-In fact, I'm even class president. Well, not exactly, but, I hope to be, uh, someday.

(Phil then walks upstairs to Jennifer's room and knocks on her door)


 * Phil: Hey Jennifer, do you mind stepping out here for a second?
 * Jennifer: (shouting from her room) Do you mind, Dad? I'm trying to look good for the interview!
 * Phil: But Jennifer, the cameraman's already here! Also, it isn't an interview.
 * Jennifer: (groans) Fine.

(Jennifer opens the door and walks out of her room. She is seen wearing a purple dress, lipstick and high heels)


 * Phil: (turns to the camera) This is my daughter, Jennifer. She's basically the Meg Griffin of Noah's TV Show, 'cause we all call her a "bitch", except she's arrogant, unlike the actual Meg.
 * Jennifer: (groans) THAT'S IT!

(Jennifer pulls out her Jokia phone from behind her back and throws it at the camera, causing it to get cracked and fall on the floor. Jennifer then storms off back to her room and slams the door)


 * Jennifer: (shouting from her room) DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT!
 * Phil: Your ass looks too big in that dress, anyway.
 * Jennifer: (opens the door and sticks her head through) WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!
 * Phil: (fearfully) Nothing.
 * Jennifer: (sticks her head back in and slams the door again) Good.
 * Phil: (walks off) Let's move on.

(The scene cuts to Phil, who is standing in front of the car dealership)


 * Phil: This is the car dealership I work at, Jackson Motors. It's a pretty big place, actually. Let's go inside. (Phil turns the around and walks in. We see the inside of the dealership as he enters the building) I wanna introduce you to my boss, Avery.
 * Avery: (shouting from distance) Who are you talking to, Phillip?!
 * Phil: Oh! Uh, sorry, boss. I was only introducing the audience to my show.
 * Avery: (shouting from distance) Well, stop it! Also, I need to tell you something.
 * Phil: (to camera; nervous) Oh, man, he wants to tell me something. I hope I didn't botch another sale.

(Phil gulps as he sits down at his boss' desk)


 * Avery: Phil, I got something big you might be interested in.

TBA

The Choice
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